Dear Aunty Mistry

I find myself being questioned for answer by my girlfriends all the time about relationships like I’m some guru. I’m not. I have had 1 great loving relationship that unfortunately ended in heart ache, 2 twisted relationships that kinda faded into the past, dated a string of guys who I didn't sleep with and slept with a few guys that I didn't date. I don’t think I’m an expert of relationships but I am becoming an expert at knowing myself and knowing what I want and what I don’t like and to avoid those situations. I admit that I was a big preacher and non practicer but as I get older and wiser I find myself just turning away from situations that I used to run into - with scissors! Ha

Having a strong female and family base with classic morals and values has moulded me into the woman I am today. I am the way I am with men, not because I've been hurt and lied to, I am the way I am because I have been loved and know what it is to be cared for. I have some great memories of some fun situations, they didn't work out but I chose not to remember the bad, rather just focus on the good. This post goes out to girls, guys, the next generation, those who are looking for love in the wrong places and those who are a bit unsure.

So it was funny when I was talking to one of my close male friends about relationships. He couldn't understand why girls wanted to jump into relationships so fast, Why they got clingy after 1 date and wanted it all or nothing now? 1 or 2 dates didn't give him enough background information to know if this girl was potential girlfriend material... I told him every girl was different; don’t paint them all with the same brush. My advice to him was to communicate his feelings, be up front and tell her the deal. I have found in the past with some older men I dated that because they were honest about the situation before we got into anything, time spent with them was so enjoyable and fun because I didn't spend hours psycho-analysing everything he said and about where it was going. It was the guys who were conceited and didn't know what they wanted past sex that made me feel cheap and disrespected afterwards - and that’s essentially what it boils down to.

If you walk into a situation with your eyes open your wits about you and the respect for yourself and others you can’t go wrong. I think loneliness can make us grasp onto false idealism's of affection as soon as someone shows you an ounce of interest. What’s the harm in spending a couple months getting to know that guy/girl and then seeing where it goes..seriously how can you get into a relationship with someone you don’t know?! Security comes from within; so why not spend time hanging out, becoming friends. It's OK to share a couple kisses and intimate moments; it could lead to a stronger happy relationship in the future, and IF it doesn't work out, at least you've gained a friend. Even if that doesn't happen, at least you both walk away with mutual respect instead of mutual dislike. This way you learn and lived and love and the world is a happier place, which equals a less jaded London. If more people did this there would be less c-list UK rappers chatting rubbish on twitter about ‘typical gyal’ and ‘why girls are dumb’ and there would be less vengeful girls saying ‘fuck men’...haters of love me thinks!

To all guys and girls... and that potential one out there for me:

I know myself, I love myself, I’m not perfect but I’m getting better at this life game every day. I love my life, my family, friends and my work. And I will have these things before, during and after you. Compliment my life share my smiles, don’t try be all about it and I’ll do the same for you. I hope you hold some of these same values, cos we could build some great memories together.